After the first appointment with my O.B. ended so disappointingly, I wasn’t sure where to turn next.
So, like many other desperate people, I began a sordid relationship with “Dr. Google.”
I spent countless hours reading material on-line. My symptoms fit into so many possible categories… Was this postpartum depression? Post partum anxiety? Were my hormones just all out of whack from having a baby? Was this just insomnia and the physical stress of that was causing all my other physical symptoms?
Eventually, I ran into information about the thyroid. I had so many of the classic hypothyroid symptoms (that means underactive thyroid) that I started to actually feel hopeful that maybe there was something physiological underlying what seemed to be presenting as so many “mental health” related issues.
I made an appointment with my primary care doctor.
I rattle off my list of symptoms: “I’m tired all day long.” “I can’t fall asleep.” “I’m super anxious and down,” (depressed). “I feel super overwhelmed.” “My periods are weird; irregular. They’re all over the place.” “I can’t string thoughts together,” (brain fog).
And once I learned about the very thyroid specific hormones (hair is falling out, cold hands and feet, low basal body temperature just to name a few) I listed off a few of those as well.
He listened. Jotted down some notes and then said, “It sounds like you’ve been listening to Dr. Google too much.”
I would eventually hear this phrase, and variations of it, over and over again.
*SPOILER ALERT* It was my thyroid. So, don’t let anyone poo-poo your researching skills. If you know in your gut something is off, don’t give up and don’t let anyone who may seem to have more medical authority tell you they know better than you. You are the greatest authority on your body. And you have to be your own best advocate. Period.
“Yes…,” I said, “I am fortunate to have access to the internet and, I’d really like to have my thyroid checked.”
He shook his head reassuringly.
“We certainly can do that for you. But I think what you have is a classic case of post-partum depression. And the best thing for that would be to get you on some anti-depressants and possibly the birth control pill.”
“When should I hear back about the results?” I inquired.
“It usually takes a couple of weeks. We’ll call you and let you know if something is off. If it’s not, I’ll get you back in here for a follow-up.”
Two weeks passed. The nurse called. My thyroid labs were “normal,” she said. “He’d like to get me in to talk about some other treatment options,” she said.
Ugh!!! I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t believe it! The thyroid thing made so much sense to me. I just couldn’t believe that this was really all somehow just rooted in my psyche.
I hadn’t felt “heard.” I really hadn’t felt listened to. I felt like he had already made up his mind before the labs were done. I just wasn’t satisfied with this quality of “care.”
“I’ll give you guys a call back if I want to schedule an appointment,” I replied.
I never went back.